Some people have asked me how I became interested in Buddhism. Others want to know what ever "possessed" me to become Buddhist. And some just tell me it's a beautiful philosophy.
I'd like to start by telling you a little about myself. I was born in Long Beach, CA in 1945, but I was raised, and actually adopted by my grandparents. They also had adopted my father. We lived in Shawnee, Oklahoma, about fifty miles SE of Oklahoma City. My grandmother took care of me.
I was seven years old when my grandfather died. My grandmother and I moved to Pasadena, CA. My natural parents lived out here. I quit school in the eleventh grade and married my first husband when I was fifteen years old. I had three children and a divorce by age twenty-one. I married again when I was twenty-four, had four more children and another divorce by age thirty-one. After all those years of not learning anything, I married again at forty, had Bethany and another divorce at forty-one. Most of you know that I married Richard O'Connell in 1988, had Daniel, and am getting a divorce, and I'm not even 51.
In my adolesence, all reasons for living had been the right shoes, the right clothes, and trying desperately never to embarrass myself at school. It would have really been "square" to express any personal feelings. By the time I was twenty, I owned a house, belonged to the P.T.A., worked in the school library, and was pregnant with my third child. I was just waiting to be grown up. I was afraid to get a divorce before I turned twenty-one. In December of 1965, I had my baby. The following February, I got a job, two baby-sitters, and I went back to school.
One of the classes I took was World Religions, and I read a lot. I found Buddhism interesting. Rev. Nori sort of shudders at this term, but Pure Land Buddhism "fit." By that I don't mean that it is a no-effort, easy-to-deal-with life. After all, I raised seven children alone for nine years. For some of that time, I couldn't afford to catch a cold. Sick days had to be saved for sick children. When I had a day off without pay, I couldn't pay my bills. Still, I have always believed that "this is it." It's heaven, it's hell, and it's now. I think it all comes down to how we perceive each event, big or small. Events or people that could be devastating at one point in your life, you would hardly give a second thought to at another time.
My life has taken many turns ever since I became a member of WCBT. There was my mother's death in 1987, and my father's death in 1988. I'm sorry to say that I wasn't well-acquainted with my parents. My mother and I had become much closer after my father's illness. I felt guilty because I didn't know if I was grieving properly. Luckily, I had the good fortune of meeting Rev. Mishima, and becoming acquainted with West Covina Buddhist Temple (a special thank you to Hisa, my "Japanese mother"). Rev. Mishima and some members of the Sangha attended my mother's funeral. You can't know how deeply I thank you. You also couldn't have known that you were the only people there that I knew and just how much that meant to me. Many people were so kind. I was a receiver of orei, shaji, and sharing of not only Buddhism, but Japanese culture and tradition. I have appreciated this very much. It has enhanced my life and my children's lives.
I feel good and I usually feel comfortable joining in Japanese ceremonies, celebrations, and occasions. But, I am not Japanese, and I sometimes worry that I might step over some invisible line and offend someone. If I do, please forgive me.
I'd like to mention some of my encounters. I am puzzled about a Korean man that came to tune my piano. He asked why I was Buddhist, and I asked him why he was Christian. I told him I had been raised in a Christian environment. But Buddhism was right for me. He said he had been raised in a Buddhist environment, but that they were starving and oppressed. Christian missionaries had come to save them. I recently read our Rev. Nori's statement (in Kokoro No Kate Vol. #8) , that "Buddhism however had never been good at putting food on people's plates, providing jobs for the poor, or building roofs over those who are homeless. What it does is to enhance relationships between people." It made me think about that Korean man a lot. I've also thought about the suffering of Jews. I've thought about outlawed religion in the Communist Bloc, and how many of these people did not give up their faith or religion. I suppose that this Korean man had sufficient reason to even lie for survival. But I just can't think that it is enough reason to give up one's own faith. Anyway, he hopes I will go to Christianity.
In another incident, last year when Bethany was five, we experienced Saddam Hussein, and the Persian Gulf War. I think Bethany asked me fifty times "Is Saddam Hussein a 'bad man?'" And fifty times, I told her that a lot of people think he's bad, but a lot of people think he's good. So I don't know. Well, we went to church, and he indeed was declared "bad." She didn't ask again until about a week ago, but this time, she wanted to know if he has always been bad. I don't know, Bethany.
But I do know what feels right, what "fits." Our winter season brings us Santa Claus and New Year celebrations. Then it's Spring Ohigan, Hanamatsuri and the Easter Bunny, Shinran's birthday, Kodomo no Hi and Obon. It feels like a natural mix. A few weeks ago, LA schools had Cultural Day. My first thought was that Bethany could wear her yukata. Well, it turned out to be a 90 degree day, and she and most everyone else wore an American style sun dress.
About three years ago, there was a lot of talk about the Japanese internment. At that time, most comments were "How could that have happened?" People seemed to be patting themselves on the back saying "We are all so decent now." And, "It couldn't happen in our current society." What is happening? Do people really need someone to hate? It sounds so simple and it sounds so silly. If your sink doesn't work, can you hate or fear your neighbor because his sink works? Should you beat him up? Or, just fix your sink? I'm very sorry about the Japanese American internment. I want to apologize. People past and present are ignorant and insecure. They are not the majority. But they do make the news. If they hurt your feelings or worse, your children's feelings, it hurts me. And I want to apologize.
I enjoy being a part of the WCBT Sangha. I feel that I receive very much from this relationship. It makes me feel good being included in the Toban and even stumbling through my turn at being chairperson (I wouldn't let my husband go that day I was thinking only he and Rev. Nori would remember all of my mistakes).
Many of my most treasured moments have been here at WCBT. Thank you for sharing Ti-Sarana.