The 2002 Higashi Honganji North American District Retreat
"Studying and Promoting Jodo Shinshu in America"
with Rev. Peter Lait
 Rev. Peter Lait |
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Rev. Peter Lait |
Introduction from The Living Dharma Website:
At the North American District Retreat, held at the Los Angeles Higashi Honganji Temple on April 20, 2002, about 40 or so of us from Higashi Honganji's California temples were fortunate to hear Rev. Peter Lait talk on "Studying and Promoting Jodo Shinshu in America." Rev. Lait is originally from England, but has been living in Japan and studying Jodo Shinshu for the last 20 years. Response to Rev. Lait from the retreat participants was extremely positive. I think one of the reasons was that, as Americans, we can strongly identify with Rev. Lait's difficult struggle to "get" Jodo Shinshu while living in Japan. Rev. Lait, like most of us here in America, doesn't speak Japanese, and yet since our Jodo Shinshu tradition was created in 13th century Japan, we often encounter terms and concepts which seem to be very foreign to us. Yet, in many ways, Rev. Lait was able to be a bridge for us and helped us to gain a deeper appreciation of the Shin Buddhist teachings. I think Rev. Lait also really enjoyed the interaction with all the new friends he made here in America. Thanks to Ken Yamada of Berkeley Higashi Honganji for transcribing Rev. Lait's lecture from tapes.
Gassho,
Peter Hata
The Living Dharma Website
West Covina Buddhist Temple
Rev. Lait's Lecture:
We’ve only got one day and I want a discussion because we have a natural common language. Basically, I just want to give a few hints on how I found my way to Jodo Shinshu coming from a different culture. I come from England, which is very different from Japan; so I’ve had to find my own way to understanding Shinran. I converted to Jodo Shinshu from Christianity, therefore I had to find a reason, an excuse to tell people why I am not Zen. Many people already understand Zen or Tibetan Buddhism, but Jodo Shinshu was an unknown thing during the 1960s and 70s of my generation.
I’m totally shy and very nervous. My wife would tell you that. I won’t talk directly about "Living Together in Diversity", which is the title of this retreat, but throughout the day, we may come to an understanding of what that means. The four questions that I asked you, weren’t arrogant ones. I sincerely wanted to know: where your practicing place was; what your practice was; what the only way you could help other people was and who you were.
"Who you are" is very important in Jodo Shinshu because it allows people to be independent, especially independent in thought. I come from a Methodist background and there’s a concern for the community. "Who you are " is important because you are you and I am I. This is part of living together in diversity. You have your own cultural background. You have your own problems, which are universal human dilemmas. It doesn’t matter what language you speak, but basically we are just human. Jodo Shinshu, or the True Pure Land Path, allows us to be human; allows us to accept ourselves as we are. Think about who "I" am in relation to understanding Jodo Shinshu during the day. Don’t look at me like I’m the authority, that I am the Truth. I am not! I am just talking about myself.
Anyway, thank you for asking me here. As many people know I don’t like flying, so it took a long time to convince myself to get on the plane two days ago. Last year, I sprained my ankle badly and I took one month off from work, so I thought maybe it’s possible to do it again. I didn’t push to come here. I was asked to come. So I thought maybe it’s time. My understanding had to be taken out of Japan and shown it is not Japanese culture, which many people think it is because the majority of members are Japanese.
"To say the Nembutsu and you’ll be saved" is okay if you understand what you’re talking about. It’s like preaching to people who already know. I want to start from scratch and work my way up. So – "Why Jodo Shinshu?" Why, for example, did a person who was brought up in British culture with a Protestant work ethic, who was very seriously thinking about God, move into Jodo Shinshu?
"When we deeply consider the transiency of this world, [we realize that] what is altogether fleeting is our own span of life: it is like an illusion from beginning to end. And so we have not yet heard of anyone living ten thousand years. A life time passes quickly. Can anyone now live to be a hundred? Will I die first, or will my neighbor? Will it be today or tomorrow? We do not know. Those we leave behind and those who go before us are more numerous than the dewdrops that rest briefly beneath the trees and on their leaftips. Hence we may have radiant faces in the morning, but in the evening be no more than white bones.
With the coming of the wind of impermanence, both eyes are instantly closed, and when a single breath is forever stilled, the radiant face is drained of life, and its vibrant glow is lost. Although family and relatives may gather and grieve broken-heartedly, this is to no avail. As there is nothing else to be done, [the once-familiar form] is taken to an outlying field, and when it has vanished with the midnight smoke, nothing is left but white bones. This is indeed indescribably sad.
And so, because the impermanence of this world creates a condition of uncertainly for young and old alike, we should all immediately,…… deeply entrusting ourselves to Amida Buddha, say the nembutsu."
The first two paragraphs are an obvious Buddhist idea. It can academically be conceived and felt. But from the heart, can we truly understand "impermanence"? If you truly feel this from the heart, impermanence is a terrifying thing, because living in this Western culture, we believe the "I" exists. The "I" comes from a Christian background. We have this idea that individuality exists. It is very hard to feel otherwise. In Japan, we have the cherry blossoms. In one day, the blossoms open, then the next day a storm can come and they’re on the ground. You can feel impermanence in Japan because it’s so unstable. We have earthquakes and so on. England is not so bad, but there’s this strength of identity; strength of "self" here, which is from a Christian background.
So how should I think about "impermanence"? Getting on a plane, gives me a real sense of an identity crisis. It takes no time to crash. As Artie knows, I have this fear of flying. Three or four months ago, as my wife will "testify", I had an identity problem. What would happen if I weren’t here! This idea of facing a fear is very important. This tension in oneself is very good when you have a crisis like this, especially as impermanence is a very difficult thing to handle.
Shakyamuni over 2500 years ago, talked about suffering. Suffering is a "no-no" in some societies. They would rather put it under the carpet and let life go on! Death doesn’t exist except in specialized areas and so on. He talked about suffering and why we suffer. We suffer because we think we have an "I." For us, suffering is a problem. We suffer because of what Japanese call bonno - evil passions. Let’s call them egotistical desires. We have three categories in Buddhism: anger, greed and ignorance, called sandoku, or "the three poisons".
We all have sandoku. I have anger. I am a very angry person. We’ve got greed. Even wanting to get to Jodo, this is craving! This is just spiritual craving, rather than a materialistic one. Ignorance is because we think we have this individual "I." Shakyamuni talked about the idea that it was possible to be free from suffering or egotistical desires. Life is just an illusion! We think we will go on and on and on. That we will be reincarnated. I don’t believe in reincarnation personally. Shakyamuni did not talk about his past or people’s past. He did not talk about the future, where we are going or where we came from. He talked about "right now". That’s all he was concerned about, because this is the only moment we have, to do something or to do nothing. If we believe there’s a future, then tomorrow will be a better day or yesterday was worse; we think today we can have a better day. This is just illusion!
The Japanese talk about kokoro –heart/feeling. You feel, then, you understand how life is. You have the four seasons. You see the trees die, the plants die, the flowers fall off. You see it’s okay. Spring goes into summer; summer into autumn; autumn into winter and so on. It’s okay. It’s accepted. As soon as we are born, we have to die. That’s fine. It’s not a negative thing. It’s very positive because in that span of time, we can actually know we have limitation.
Reincarnation to me is a Hindu idea. I don’t think I have more than this span of time. I should think this way, otherwise I can leave it for tomorrow. I have this life "right now". If you know the crisis we have "right now" in ourselves, then perhaps we can do something or realize there’s nothing to be done in this situation, yet we have to realize that and we have to start from scratch. I feel, I don’t want to say "believe" because belief is authority. I just want to say that I feel that I have "wrong view" - the first of the Eightfold Path. Eight views that we misunderstand in this daily world. For me "wrong view" about life; "wrong view" that I’ll live forever; "wrong view" that I am I and you are you - the relationship in the "I am" situation. How we deal with people is on an "I" and "it" basis in this society. It should be more of an I /You relationship. That I am I and you are you, yet both of us are very important aspects; that we’re not all-important egotistical people, instead of I am "me" with power over other people, which is not on the same level as an I / You relationship.
In society, a lot of our dealings with people are on the "I" and "it" relationship. But if we really understand it’s on the I /You relationship, then you are valuable to me and I am valuable to you. If I came all this way from Japan, suffering this illusionary fear of falling into the Pacific and no one turned up, how would I feel? I would have to speak to an empty room! You’re necessary for me! If I weren’t here and you came all this way, how would you feel? Likewise, I think!
"Interdependence" is a nice comfortable word, everybody uses it. It’s easy to get it into the brain, but interdependency is a vital part of life. I don’t like calling Buddhism Buddhism - it’s just human nature. Human reality - the Buddha actually saw it 2,500 years ago. He wanted to get away from the formalism of Hinduism, where they sacrificed, did prayers and got esoteric powers to do something. He just wanted a simple way of life. This is what Shinran wanted. When he was on Mt. Hiei, he realized this was just formalism, but he also realized he had human desires. To deny human desire is splitting the personality – "to get thee behind me Satan" type of thing - that human desire is not part of life or not part of spirituality. Religion is man - made. It has to be in order for people to be brought together of like minds.
If I want to say what I’m saying now, rather than let’s get on with life and enjoy it, I go down to Kyoto, because I have many friends there, who actually understand what I’m saying. Even if I spoke Japanese in Tokyo, it’s a very difficult idea. So it’s very important to have an organization in the sense that it brings people together. It doesn’t matter that the umbrella organization has politics. If you feel comfortable with another person then a relationship forms. A relationship starts an organization because other people say, oh here’s another person you can invite because there’s a connection between A and B, and B and C know each other, and an organization naturally forms. Unfortunately, any organization becomes politically hierarchical.
As I have just said, I come from a tradition that’s Protestant. If you think about Quakers, they’re a lot of independent people just coming together because traditional churches ostracize them. Traditional churches don’t accept their views because of their independent thinking. There’s no organization, but there’s a structure because one person starts and ends each meeting. This sort of thing could be felt in an American form of Jodo Shinshu. Like now, there are so many people here from different cultural backgrounds right in this room. They have the same desire to understand what this whole Jodo Shinshu thing is all about. Relationships are very important and they become an organization. Good or bad!
When we understand that what we’re looking at, is from our narrow point of view; that it is the wrong view; that actually we are part of everything and we see the right way of thinking, then you start walking on the Buddhist path. I don’t like labels but call it the "Buddhist path" for now, I was paralyzed; I had a stroke when I was five. Basically, I wanted to know why this Almighty God had done this to me. So I started looking around. I started reading about Buddhism and so on. I’m 51 so that makes me a hippie. I was one! Long hair, long beard, and traveled the hippie route from England to India twice. I had desire; I wanted to find out. So you end up with self-power -"wanting to find" which is very good. We can’t deny it, this jiriki (self-power) feeling. Wanting to find something that would satisfy, not superficially making me happy, but truly make "me" at peace with "myself" and able to accept "myself "as who I am.
So I read all these books because in England, we have this connection with Sri Lanka and Burma through our colonial times. Actually I didn’t go there, I went to a Tibetan encampment, just outside of Tibet. There I found my first Buddhist community. That was a shock because I thought all Buddhists were about peace, love, flowers in your hair, etc., and happy happy people. They’re not! They’re just like us. That gave me a shock - a cultural shock! They like eating meat and they like drinking and all these things. I realized I had an idealism about that. The practice itself is very culturally wrapped up. It has its Tibetan culture, which is all nice and groovy. You have something to put on over your clothes. I’ve got this robe. You can’t see what’s underneath. It covers up all kinds of things. It covers up my handicap, which I’m still aware of in certain situations, yet it makes everyone look equal.
I spent 7 years in India. I came back disillusioned because I thought that jiriki was all there was. Jiriki is self-power - our power to get to Nirvana or get to a higher state of awareness in order to reach a peaceful state of mind. As I said, I’m very lazy and I didn’t care for ascetic practices as you would find in other Buddhist schools, especially in Sri Lanka or Burma, where you can’t even eat after 12 o’clock etc. So I came back very disillusioned as I thought that Buddhism was just for very strong people - strong, dedicated and very sincere people. So I came back and for four years finished off my university and became a high school teacher. Then I went to Japan, helped by a friend and I saw the Tannisho in a bookshop and that somebody called Shinran felt the same way in that he couldn’t do what was expected of him in those days. He couldn’t do sincere practice and whatever. And this idea of a power that is given; a power we become aware of, that is not our power but one that is actually universal that we have in Jodo Shinshu called Amida.
Now, Amida can become a God if we are very careless about it. It’s like picking up a nice piece of wood and putting it on the mantle place. Then afterwards, you put a flower in front of it and slowly you start depending on it. The statue or figure of Amida, we depend on in a very superficial way because Amida has already grown on us. Amida doesn’t want that idea, though we have put it in a concrete form to encourage us to get on in life, because life is lonely. Life is lonely out there and life is lonely in here. (pointing to the heart) If you really want to see yourself as you really are, it’s lonely. A motivation to keep us going is the desire that something better or something like Jodo will happen if we follow a certain path.
We have another word, Jinen. Ji means "myself", nen is "natural"- not natural in the sense of trees and flowers; we’re talking about naturalness in being ourselves. Not being artificial; not being superficial; not following anybody but our own understanding of ourselves. Not egotism; not "I" know it all, which we don’t anyway. Working on ourselves and knowing our strengths and weaknesses, basically they force us to see ourselves. Which is good like flying over the Pacific Ocean. This idea of jinen, naturally flowing within us, is actually part of us.
We have the wrong view about ourselves and that causes us to suffer. We get angry because it’s not going our way that particular day. In Los Angeles, there are a lot of traffic jams and people get angry because they’re human. Thinking we are better than the other person, is true ignorance. You just have to see it for yourself. Maybe yes or maybe no. The Buddha said to take his message and if it wasn’t worth it, discard it. "Be a light unto yourself". That’s very open-minded! Shinran said the same thing, when his so-called "disciples", (he hated that word), came and said, other people are not following our way He said those people are correct in their own thinking "right now". They might be disillusioned; I might be disillusioned, we don’t know. So those people who have different views are basically doing what they must at that particular moment in time. No one can convince them unless they understand themselves. It’s like bringing a horse to water, you can’t force it to drink. It has to drink naturally and this naturalness is the essence of the Dharma, - the Buddhist message.
Shinran also said the same thing. It’s up to you to find your way. In the Tannisho, Chapter 2, page 15: "Should I have been deceived by Master Honen…etc." I’m talking about me, Peter, if you get to the point of no return, you’re desperate to do anything. A person that has nothing to lose will do anything, violent or otherwise! To understand from a Western background academically; if I can see it, then I’ll do it. Protestants don’t like very much emotion; we don’t like to be emotional until we logically understand it, and then we can let go and make excuses if we go a little bit crazy. So I had to find that I was incapable of any other practice, not because sensei said this or somebody said so. I had to feel it! If it is not felt then that’s fine, one has to go on and on until one ends up having no more practice, i.e., until one ends up lost - this idea of bombu, which to me is not an evil person but rather a hopelessly lost person, sprituually.
The background to the Tannisho translations was Christian. So you have this sinful, evil person. I feel that on Chapter 3, page 16: "Even a good person attains birth in the Pure Land etc.", the evil person can be seen as "hopelessly lost." But a person is not "evil" - just human. A human being who has lost any hope of getting it together on the other side in Jodo or wherever. We have to go deeply to realize the impossibility of doing that or else, there’s always that longing. There’s always a longing that maybe I could have done it this way, a quicker way. If I had chanted more loudly like the Sokka Gakkai, then there could be some kind of "good" waiting for me and so on. There’s an idea that if you do different practices and chant the Nembutsu, there is merit. But I don’t feel I have merit and I certainly can’t give it!
I am not a pathetic creature as portrayed here as "an evil person", rather it should be "hopelessly lost." So if one understands that situation, that point, then people can say, yeah, I feel the same way as Shinran; it doesn’t matter, hell or no hell, this is the only way for me! If I have no way, especially from a Christian background; if you give up believing in Jesus, you’ve got nothing, only nihilism, emptiness, despair or suicide. You go crazy or just end up numbing yourself in society because there’s nothing there at all. So what Shinran said was true. There was no other way for him whether it was hell or not. Jodo Shinshu is basically the last resort. You’ve always got that! Planes take off, fly and land every day. How arrogant of me to think that "my" plane would crash! Still I feel worse than everyone else!
Question: We came here to learn about Buddhism. How are we doing so far?
Rev. Lait: You’re asking me how you are doing? I don’t know, why don’t you ask yourself how you are doing? This is going backwards. The Western idea is that we go out searching, thinking that the answer is out there. This is why "gurus" love it here as they can pick up a lot of money by saying simple mottos. I always have to be careful - listening to other people is okay but depending on them, shows I’m still looking outside. This question is reflected back, it is not cynical. If you ask a question to someone, actually you already know the answer.
Question: Do you believe in the afterlife?
Rev. Lait: Afterlife? To me, there is no afterlife except there is the afterlife of a new beginning when you enter shinjin. Thirteenth century Japan was very hierarchical and had doctrinal differences, like those between Catholics and Protestants. At that time, one believed there was an afterlife. Personally, I don’t think there’s an afterlife for me. But once again, question yourself. If you think there’s an afterlife, that’s fine. Words are very important especially when you’re talking about nothing very much. Jodo Shinshu is very abstract in the sense that there is nothing to practice. So words are very important when people are listening acutely. If you feel there is an afterlife, coming from your cultural background, then so be it. But for me, there’s a possibility of glimpsing the Pure Land now. It could be wrong, but I’ve got no other choice but my own feelings. People can say this or that and that enters my head academically. But if I can truly understand, then it’s true for me alone. This is why I feel Buddhism can make us very independent. It allows us to breathe freshly all the time; that we feel this is the correct way to be, not selfishly, but the correct way "right now". The emphasis is on "right now". When I taught the group with Artie in it four years ago, it was different. What I think now; what I understand now, is different.
Shinran was a very selfish man. He knew that; he saw himself as being selfish and he found his own way in Buddhism. He became an example. This magnetism or whatever he had, people came to him. I don’t know why they came to him. He offered them nothing. Showing yourself as truly human, people are attracted to this idea. You’re not afraid to say the truth i.e., that you’re limited, you feel tired, unhappy, angry etc.
Reflecting on what Jodo means for that person, the attraction of the example gives the other person motivation or a feeling for the other to change. Like the Shinran/Honen relationship; true friendship, kokoro to kokoro, "heart to heart", that changed Shinran when they met.
Shinran saw that the Dharma was interpreted through Jodo Shinshu straight from Shakyamuni. That was his interpretation. Is it true or not true? That continuation lives on forever. Even denying the Buddhist message is natural, it’s jinen, yet it will surface, erupt somewhere in each of our lives, because it’s natural. It’s a natural flow. If you dam up a stream and don’t do it properly, it overflows. Somewhere the eruption arises in us, if you don’t accept the flow. Karma is a very difficult thing to understand or even think about, let alone talk about it!
Just like heaven and hell. Is Jodo the same as heaven? In the interpretation that heaven is above and hell is below, i.e., if I’m a good boy, etc. Where’s Jodo? Where’s Amida? Heaven and hell have nothing to do with it. We’re not talking about something outside. Jodo is in our realm of duality, yet because we’re thinking in duality, Jodo cannot be seen. You’re there; I’m here and Jodo is over there - this is our image. Yet Jodo is "here", but we can’t feel it as we have "wrong view".
Some people need a temple. They need the assurance, because in that temple, you see Jodo. In a traditional Japanese temple, you have tatami mats and you have the idea that the altar is Jodo. I know that for political reasons, there is a barrier. Yet spiritually, that barrier cannot be crossed. You’re here and Jodo is there. Every time you go to a temple or church or whatever, you see the glory of God or the beauty of the Pure Land. It gives you a stimulation to live. Stimulation to live is very important in this life. Whether the glory of God is there, I don’t really care as the essence is everywhere. For some people, hell is very important and for others it’s heaven. I still believe in God. Shakyamuni was not a Buddhist. He was Hindu. He still believed in the hierarchy of Gods. He had that cultural background. But he didn’t care about that. Where he was going was no concern of his. Where he came from was no concern of his. Because where we are "right now" is where we are meant to be and the only place we can be!
You are looking at me and I am looking at you because unfortunately that’s the only way because of space. If it were not meant to be I wouldn’t be here. Karma is very hard to describe. Impossible to describe. You just have to feel it. The harder you try, the more understanding you have of Amida. The deeper you go, the more ego we see we have, yet it’s easier to understand. For this idea of jinen, "naturalness, I think America has a very great potential, because the strength of the ego is here. The ego is more so than in England. "Know yourself." Maybe Jodo Shinshu is right for you, or wrong for you. I don’t know!
Question: What do you think of God now?
Rev. Lait: My concept of God? God for me is not a big Daddy figure with a long white beard, which was put into me when I was young. It’s more of a God-like awareness; total awareness, which could be put into Amida as total awareness.
The harder you struggle, the more empty you realize you are. If you just need a little happiness, you don’t realize the suffering you have. If you’re craving for external material wealth, and you don’t get it, then you start reflecting, why I’m not getting it? Because I’m not educated? And so you go on. If I ask, who you are. And you say: I am Ken, or Tomiko or whatever. I then ask who is Ken? You can say I come from a British background or so on. What is a British background? You keep looking deeper and deeper until you find you can’t answer "who am I?" You see you’re nothing. Coming from a big ego, you don’t want to see your limitations.
This is the only thing I can offer in a practical way, i.e., just looking at yourself. Maybe you have the potential to be a buddha through ascetic practice. I don’t know! Maybe you can do it. But you’ve got to try to know if you can or can’t. You just can’t sit back and glibly accept what somebody says, like "say the Nembutsu and you’ll be saved." It’s very important to understand what somebody says. If you can’t feel it, ask yourself why you can’t feel it.
We’re roaming all over the world mentally and physically, yet we have to come back to ourselves. There’s a "going out and looking for something" and this has to be done in order for us to understand ourselves. There’s a story from the T’ang Dynasty (China): A man goes out, an old man, it’s still winter but spring is coming and he knows he’ll die soon. He won’t live another year. He wants to see Spring. (In Japan, plum blossoms are the first signs of Spring.) He’s not content. He goes wandering. (In Japan, some parts have plum blossoms earlier than other parts.) He can’t wait any longer so he goes out. His shoes wear out and so on. He’s very unhappy and he gives up looking for the first signs of Spring and he comes back disappointed. Yet, as soon as he returns, he notices the plum blossoms have flowered outside his own home. The point is if he hadn’t gone out, he wouldn’t have realized. He had to go out! He had to go out to realize that he didn’t have to go out after all. But yet, still he had to go.
I spent seven years in India. Same thing; Shinran spent 20 years on Mt. Hiei. He learned it wasn’t necessary to stay there any longer. That 7 years taught me it wasn’t necessary for me either yet without using my energy to find something, I would always have that longing, ie., maybe there was a chance in my youth to do something and never took that chance etc. That’s an important thing, never have a "maybe". Be sure there is no other way. A person that has nothing to lose can do anything. A person who has a "maybe" is always looking for a future. Therefore, please live your maybes as soon as you can! Hopelessly lost—internally such people know they can’t go on. We’re not talking about external things like getting a job, that’s different. You’ve got to fend for yourself in a society that is very egotistical. We’re talking about spiritual unhappiness. We have to find there is no other way and that we have nowhere to go.
This morning, I discussed how that point can be reached when we realize we have nowhere to go and nothing to do, yet not giving up. "Giving up" is actually still an egotistical thing. The idea of "Grace" in Christianity, given to us by God, when we surrender ourselves to His Will. "We" are still surrendering; it’s still jiriki - we still have the power to give up. I’m talking about Jodo Shinshu’s idea of reaching a state of no return. That we’ve reached the end though we haven’t given up. It’s a paradox, but yet we have nothing left to offer ourselves at that point. That’s a very dangerous point and a very honest point because we see ourselves very naked. That’s why some people say to reach that point, you have to be a crazy monk or have "Zen sickness" because you can’t tolerate yourself. You really can’t live in this body anymore with yourself. Just hopelessly lost, spiritually. Doing a Monday through Friday job, yet totally empty inside!
Shinko means "I believe in God". What does shinjin mean. My wife has translated it to ‘trusting heart.’ Trusting your heart that it is true for you. "Turning" - this is the other side of you. This point is called eshin, which means "turning or changing the mind/heart around" - crisis point. A point of no return. "Crossing the Rubicon" - a Roman idea. Crossing a river, once Caesar crossed the barrier, he had to fight. It’s a very critical point in one’s life.
Tannisho, chapter 1, page 14. "Saved by the inconceivable working of Amida’s Vow, I shall realize birth in the Pure Land": the moment you entrust yourself thus to the Vow…etc."
You don’t have to be afraid of making a mistake. "To err is human." What is shinjin? Shinjin is a difficult word coming from a Christian background. It’s abstract. I can put it into academic terms because we are trained to think academically rather than emotionally. In Jodo Shinshu, there are three minds or three aspects of shinjin—sincere mind, sincerely understanding the Buddhist teaching; truly understanding that this is for me alone. It allows us to enter Jodo mon, "the way of Amida" as oppose to Shodo mon, "the way to Nirvana through ascetic practice." Sincerely understanding like a child. Children aren’t really selfish; they’re just being themselves. Sincere mind makes you open yourself up. We talk about the leap of faith in Christianity. ( cf. Kierkegaard)
Sincerely understanding this is the only way "right now", because you can experience something. "Belief" doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve experienced it. You believe there is a God and you continue to think that, and it’s a maybe yes, maybe no situation. Experience is important in any aspect of Buddhism. It’s no good just saying "hai, hai, hai" (yes, yes, yes), I’m writing it down. You’ve got to feel it. I’ve got to be honest, I’ve never read the three Pure Land Sutras or the Kyogyoshinsho, the collected works of Shinran’s understanding and proof of why Buddha came into this world. At the time, Shinran had to support himself against other religious factions who disagreed with him. I don’t know much about Buddhist sutras. All I know is what I know. What I don’t know, I don’t know. That’s reasonable, isn’t it? Basically take it or leave it.
"Sincere mind," that the Buddha’s message is right for "me" alone. This is the first aspect of the shinjin experience. Because you sincerely believe, you trust that this path is right. I keep saying "right now." You can’t depend on the future. Maybe next year, I won’t be doing this and that’s okay. I can accept it. I’m not going to be sad. Amida won’t be angry with me!
"Trusting mind," - trusting that this is the way. In the Kyogyoshinsho, Shinran tells us the possibility of reaching enlightenment is through understanding Amida and tariki. But that’s not because you heard it from me, but because you know it through experience! You know it from the heart that it’s true. Remember, it’s always experiential. It has to be or else you’ll be very unhappy, holding onto a dream for twenty years and then realize it was a dream and your life was wasted. Never give up that possibility as Shinran said this could be a road to hell. That’s okay because you learned that it is the road to hell. If you don’t realize it was the road to hell or heaven - that’s the problem! You’ll still have that "maybe" in your heart.
"Sincere mind," "trusting mind." But you’ve got to have a direction. It’s no good just wandering around somewhere. The desire to reach enlightenment; the desire to find enlightenment. They call it "desire" - a Pure Land directed heart. I would say "longing". The feeling of a person whose child or whose parents are dying or you cannot meet. You’re on one side in Japan and you really desire to see your parents for the very last time and there’s no way. That’s the feeling, the "longing." That’s not egotistical. That’s a natural desire. The longing to be in Jodo. You have "sincerity," "trusting" and "longing." The longing of being together and wanting to be part again. It’s like your relationship. If you have no "you," no interdependency, it’s just me, me, me. There’s no you, you, you. You feel a longing to be in a relationship. It doesn’t matter whether sexually or platonically, it’s not egotistical desire; it’s just being human. These three are aspects of one mind. Without sincerity, there’s no trust. Without trust, there’s no desire. Those three minds have to be at the same time, instantaneously reached. This is a paradox. Sincere mind allows us to enter the path; trusting mind allows us to walk on that path; but the longing gives us a direction in life that we’re not just wandering around in some samsaric or crazy messed-up world, where we don’t know where we’re going. There has to be a direction. So those three minds have to be together. Don’t worry if you don’t have these three minds. Don’t get hung up about it! It will come when it’s necessary for you to experience that. You’ll understand this karmic business, when you feel the time is right. Ecclesiastes tells us there’s a time for war and a time for peace. There’s always the opposite. I always use the Bible to understand Jodo Shinshu because I understand the Bible more. So Ecclesiastes from the Old Testament talks about this very idea that everything is in vain - even believing in God is in vain. Pointless, futile!
To me, the Dharma gives the only true direction in life out of this world, what the Tannisho calls "the world of suffering." But I like to call it "the world of duality." Duality makes us suffer because "I’m not happy, he’s happy," etc. Suffering causes us to be emotional, due to this duality. "I’m not happy but I want to be happy." I want a better job, I want more money, that’s the world of suffering, because we’re thinking duality. We’re thinking I and the other and so on. There’s no connection, there’s no interdependency. There’s no meeting of minds as it were, like with Honen and Shinran - meeting minds; a deep understanding. There’s loneliness in duality. There’s a great loneliness. This is the world of Shaba or Saha, the world of suffering as oppose to the world of peace or non-duality (Jodo).
Then how do we get to Jodo? Everybody likes that idea especially in the West - people like to grasp at something. In Zen, you can meditate, get high and feel great, steps 1,2,3. That’s okay! That’s our ego. People have got to realize that in the West, we’ve got a very strong ego, but you just can’t merge with the one. We feel happy. Numbers are okay, like that Chinese restaurant I went to yesterday. I’ll have number so and so. As long as we don’t identify with number 23 for example, all your life and that we can separate ourselves from our actual ego (or number) because we can see our ego is working. I can see I get angry. I see that I can’t control it or I see I’m getting frustrated. It’s necessary to see this constantly though.
I want shinjin! How do I get it? The idea is that you want something out of it. There’s always a condition in ourselves. We give $10 for "something." You can do something or you can be put into a position of having shinjin given to you. What position? Be open! How do you reach that openness? Leap of faith as in Christianity? That means if I think there’s a possibility, I jump. But there’s a 50/50 chance of making it. I have to trust completely as in the Zendo story of the White Path and the River of Fire and Water:
"Suppose there is a traveler journeying one hundred thousand li toward the west, when suddenly, along the way, he comes upon two rivers (in a single channel - one of fire, extending southward, and one of water, extending north. Each river is one hundred paces across, immeasurably deep, and endless to the north and south. Dividing the fire and water is a single white path four or five inches wide. This path, from the eastern bank to the western bank, is one hundred paces in length. Billows of water surge over the path and flames sweep up to scorch it. Water and fire thus alternate without break.
Now the traveler has already journeyed deep into the vast and solitary wilderness; there is no one to be seen. But bands of brigands and wild beasts lurk there, and seeing the traveler alone, they vie with each other to kill him. Fearing for his life, the traveler at once flees toward the west, when without warning the great river appears. He reflects, " I can see no end to this river either to north or south. In the middle is a white path, but it is exceedingly narrow. Although the two banks are but slightly separated, how is it possible to cross? Assuredly this day I shall die. If I turn back, brigands and wild beasts will press closer and closer upon me. If I run north or south, beasts and poisonous insects will contend with each other to attack me. If I venture on the path westward, surely I will plunge into the currents of water and fire."
There are no words to express the terror and despair that fill him at this point. He thinks further to himself:"If I turn back now, I die. If I remain here, I die. If I go forward, I die. There is no way for me to escape death. Therefore, I choose to go forth, venturing on this path. Since this path exists, it must be possible to cross the rivers."
When this thought occurs to him, he suddenly hears the encouraging voice of someone on the eastern bank,"O traveler, just resolve to follow this path forward! You will certainly not encounter the grief of death. But if you stay where you are, you will surely die."
Further, someone on the western bank, calls to him,"O traveler, with mind that is single, with right-mindedness, come at once! I will protect you. Have no fear of plunging to grief in the water or fire." The traveler, having heard the exhortation on his side of the river and the call from the other, immediately acquires firm resolution in body and mind and decisively takes the path, advancing directly without entertaining any doubt or apprehension.
When he has gone but one or two paces, the brigands on the eastern bank call out to him: "O traveler, come back! That path is treacherous and permits no crossing. You are certain to meet your death. None of us address you thus with evil intent."
The traveler hears the voice calling him, but he gives no backward glance. Thinking only of the path, he advances directly forward with the mind that is single and forthwith reaches the western side, free forever of all afflictions. He meets his good friend, and his joy is boundless. This is the parable."
You’re on this bank. And what would you do? Christians would get on their knees and pray to God. That’s fine! That’s in their culture. In Jodo Shinshu, there’s no God as it were to call upon. "Say the Nembutsu and be saved!" "Right now", we’re on this side of the bank. Saying the Nembutsu is okay if you understand what you’re really saying, then you will be saved. That’s the point where you’ve given up.
There’s this story about a holy man on the bank of the Ganges river, and he’s trying to save all sentient beings, insects and whatever. So this scorpion falls into the river. As soon as he puts his hand in, the scorpion stings. Naturally, it stings and naturally, he drops it because it hurts him. He picks it up and it happens again. So another man asks why he’s doing this. He says: "Because this is a living thing and I feel great compassion for that creature and so I have to save it." Eventually, the scorpion gives up stinging because he’s exhausted. He allows that man to take it out of the water and it’s saved. So that metaphor is that the scorpion is us and Amida, essential naturalness, allows us to be taken out of the water. As Shinran said - the water of samsara was drowning him and he was saved by Amida.
So it’s "exhaustion", not "giving up". Because "I" can’t give up, or surrender to God - only through pure exhaustion can we truly do it. There is no giving up. When that spiritual exhaustion comes, there is nowhere to turn. Not even to come here because your friend is coming here or you try a cult but, eventually the exhaustion comes. But because of the sincere mind that trusts, you’re still determined to get to Jodo. This person in Zendo’s story, sincerely believed Jodo was in the west idealistically. He had exhausted himself, yet at that very moment, he heard a voice (Buddha’s) from his side of the bank saying: "you have sincerely understood and trusted my teachings, because you know they are true through experience." On the other side, a voice (Amida’s) says: "Don’t hesitate. You still have the desire, please walk." There’s a white path - 2 inches wide. Only because of his sincerity and trusting in those voices, which he knows are true for him alone, he can walk along that path, which is like a tightrope. If he wobbles, he’ll fall and he can’t turn back as the path is too narrow. So the feeling that we’re supported by a sincere mind, determined and longing to become part of our inner self, allows us to continue.
We’re talking about eshin, "a spiritual turning point", you are transformed to the Pure Land. If you think about it, jiriki, "self-power", is an essential part of Jodo Shinshu. It is part of understanding yourself and tariki "Other power". You’ve got to have both in order to understand. There’s one point of exhaustion where our mind gives up the right to be controlled by ourselves. That point is eshin, "crisis point", turning the wrong view to the right view. Walking this white path because he trusted those voices at the same time.
For Christians, anjin is understandable. It means "safe and peaceful heart" – "the peace that passes all understanding"(Bible’s interpretation). Rennyo Shonin uses this word a lot rather than shinjin. Academically speaking, anjin is the feeling of shinjin. You understand motherhood for 9 months. This baby is growing inside you. You can nurture it; you can drink alcohol and make that baby sick. You can control that baby for a certain amount of time. But, at one point, you lose control of that baby. That baby just comes as it has to come. That’s the feeling of shinjin. You’ve prepared yourself, you understand the teachings and so on, but at one point, it comes whether you like it or not. Letting go of something that you’ve nurtured. This is bank A and that is bank B, where should the line be drawn?
When Shakyamuni reached Nirvana, he sat there for how many days because he was happy and blissful. To me that’s still selfishness, so Brahman(the Supreme God in Hindusim - remember Buddha was still a Hindu) came down and asked him to teach what he had learned. Without teaching he had learned nothing. How could he teach? How could he tell people? It was beyond his comprehension, yet he had to teach as Brahman told him. So he got up and as it were, he stepped into the world again and he taught for the next 30-odd years.
Your flower is different from my flower because it grew from a different culture. That’s all right! If you have all the same flowers, it’s boring. But how nice; some flowers are big and others are small. Like the lotus in Buddhism, it’s symbolism. Where does the lotus grow from? Muddy water is symbolic of our own egocentric mind. But yet, you have this long-twisted stem that grows up through the mud. It shows we have the possibility of growing, to make your own judgment.
The Tannisho: page 16: "Whether you take up and accept the Nembutsu or whether you abandon it is for each of you to determine."
Jodo Shinshu is not afraid to let you go because you go and come back - you come back and enliven the religion. If you stay in one place and are afraid to move, you don’t give any light. Like a friend too close causes friction - too far away and we forget, but someone who’s in between. A good friend always is standing there to help when necessary. "Whether you take up and accept the Nembutsu or abandon it is for each of us to determine." "Ichi-go, ichi-e" - a Japanese phrase, meaning: In this lifetime, there is only one meeting - it is the first and last "right now". A feeling of impermanence! This is very important. Each meeting is important, because it is the last time we will ever meet each other as it is "now." Therefore what your feelings are now, you should express. It will be very different if I meet you again next year.
I was brought up as a Methodist. Methodists are hard working, working class people who were rejected by the Church of England. They are very strict in some cases. In my mother’s young days, she could not go on the beach. On Sunday, she had to read the Bible. And when she married my father, he liked fishing, that was taboo on Sunday. But it taught me independence; to have a relationship between God and myself. It gave me a relationship with Amida. We don’t need ceremony in order to coax God out of his "cozy" heaven to come down and help us. It’s not necessary although its necessary for people to get together with other people.
At Higashi Honganji in the 1960s, there was this Dobo idea, i.e., people who walk the same way; people getting together with friends and talking about their own spiritual feelings. It’s a Rennyo point of view. This robe, it’s fine as long as you don’t get trapped by the exoticism. Tibetan Buddhism is very exotic because of all the sutras, chanting and all that. I don’t mind chanting Shoshinge. I like the sound of it. This kind of thing doesn’t affect me so much because of my Protestant background. In our Methodist chapels, it’s very plain with a wooden cross, no decorations. It’s simple because it’s a relationship between God and you. I’ve transposed this between Amida and myself. A Catholic would have a different perspective. This is why it’s interesting to hear other people talk about Jodo Shinshu from their own point of view.
It’s like the Quakers. One Quaker might be a fundamentalist or whatever, whereas, there may be an intellectual person who sees it as a spiritual seed in everybody that can grow. In the Bible, there’s a person who plants seeds and some of them fall on stony ground and die. The fertile soil is the teaching. The seed is ready. It will bloom. The seed can be dormant but can, in a different situation, grow. This is the feeling from Amida. Of course, we don’t have this idea of impermanence of always flowing, which is hard to understand at the best of times. I live in this world. "Right now", I’m under California state law. That means I can’t do certain things. If you go to Japan it’s different. I have a responsibility if I live in a country to do what I should be doing, but my heart’s free. Sometimes it’s hidden out of necessity, as you might find in difficult insensitive situations. You have the hidden Christians of the Tokugawa in the 16th and 17th centuries in Japan, where they could not show themselves as Christians. They’d be stupid because they’d get their heads cut off. There are times when you’re open and times to close. There’s a time for one or the other. That’s the flow of things. Through that, you can understand impermanence.
I’m physically handicapped and I "feel" people more than others. For example, a blind person feels more with their other senses. A person, physically-handicapped, has other ways of communicating. That was my protection growing up. People bullied me – it was natural because I was not "normal in their eyes". I was not part of "the group" as it were. In the 1950s, people didn’t see that kind of thing in England. It was hidden in Japan 20 or 30 years ago. I’m not mentally handicapped so I can only presume they have sensitive feelings too. People who are depressed can feel people looking at them. I feel they can "feel" because when you’re in a heightened state of depression, you can feel things; there’s a different feeling. I don’t like people feeling sorry for me. On trains in Japan, ojisans and obasans (elderly people) get up for me. I like to be treated as normal. I wasn’t treated as normal in the 1950s. At that time, if someone was kind to me, why were they kind? Are you kind because you like me? Are you kind because you feel sorry for me? I don’t know. That’s the kind of thing people feel.
I don’t believe in reincarnation. I understand this idea of karmic conditions that what I am now, is because of my past. This is a hard thing because if you understand karma, you can understand what we’re talking about. Some people don’t want to go to Jodo. Why? Because they’ve not been connected in the past, as they say. Your karma is ripe for your situation at each moment of your life. For mentally-handicapped people? I don’t know what the sutras say. I really don’t understand because it doesn’t apply to me personally. I can’t find any connection to them unless it applies to my life and my experiences. Physically-handicapped people are "normal". I know that, because I’m normal, as it goes. Mentally-handicapped - why do we feel sorry, why do we feel sympathy. Empathy is a wonderful thing. Sympathy is awful because that’s looking down at someone, saying "poor thing". I can only say what I’ve experienced because of my own egotism. For me, I’m happy as I am. Maybe a mentally-handicapped person is happy too in their world, as they are.
Some of these Jodo Shin terms as in the Tannisho, have been translated incorrectly because they give a Christian idea. "Sinful action" – "sin" is Christian. It has nothing to do with Buddhism. Sin is related to God. People misunderstand Jodo Shinshu and Christianity. I don’t believe God is the creator of the world, but rather is the oneness in the essential nature of things. Our nature in this world is that we’re "suffering" because of wrong view. If you de-mythologize Jodo Shinshu… there’s a lot of symbolism. In Christianity, it’s easy to say Jodo Shinshu is like Christianity. Amida is like God and just transpose one onto the other. If you look at the spirituality of each religion, it should be the same, shouldn’t it? But religion is man - made. It’s politically or rather religiously incorrect. Christianity has been ordered because of the political atmosphere of that time. Spiritually speaking, I feel the depth of Christianity and the depth of understanding shinjin are the same. Yet can we say it’s universal?
All the trees come from the same ground. Some are big and some are small. Christianity comes from the same roots as the essential Dharma. But because of our culture and the society we grow up in, it changed because that’s what we expect. For us in the West, Jesus tried to help us with our ego problems. Vegetarianism in India was okay in those days as it was hot and easy to eat fruit etc. In northern or high areas, people like the Tibetans had to eat meat to keep themselves alive. It all depends on the culture and environment.
"Surrendering" is different than "giving up", but "exhausting oneself" is very pertinent here. Words are very important because that’s how you differentiate religions. To take refuge means: "I sincerely understand and deeply entrust myself in the working of Amida". Primarily you take refuge when you understand you have nothing more. Words are very important when discussing with anybody. I have to be very careful to pinpoint my words - how I define words. This is my own point of view.
In Buddhism, you have two streams. Mahayana and Theravada. One is inclusive, the other exclusive. Exclusiveness means only the Buddhist way and rejecting the essential culture of that society and get rid of all your "naughty" ego, so to speak. With the bodhisattva ideal, one goes back and helps people, which I think of as with shinjin. Actually working in the world as a human being.
My four questions: Where is your practicing place, what is your practice, etc. Wherever I go is my dojo, my practicing place. Everything I do is my practice. There is nothing that differentiates between right or wrong. What I do; I teach English from Monday to Friday. What is the only way for you to help other people? Returning to my "natural self". Not looking outwardly. Seeing myself naked with my limitations and being totally honest about it. Who are you? Who I am is the only person I can be "right now". Tomorrow I’ll be a different person. What we’ve got "now" is the only time possible to be what we’ve got to be and can only be!
If you can do that, there’s no separation between your daily life and your spiritual life. Without you, I don’t want to speak to empty chairs. There has to be a sharing in order to have fulfillment. You want to express something, say you’re angry or you’re in love. But if you can’t say it to anyone, how do you feel? You get frustrated. You have to flow. If it’s dammed up, that stream flows a different way. There’s a lot of cancer, a lot of psychiatrists. It has to be expressed and shared. Nothing mystical. When Shinran met Honen, there was a sharing, a non-verbal sharing. In Japanese kokoro to kokoro, "heart to heart" feeling; the transmission of the understanding of shinjin because you feel a feeling between two people. Although Honen was very wise, his and Shinran’s shinjin was the same.
In the Tannisho, Postscript, page 48, there is a discussion about their shinjin and whose was better? The flower of shinjin that appears on that tree is your own external expression. But your shinjin is the same. You have sincerity of heart, understanding and desire. You’ve exhausted yourself. That is the same… It all depends on how you’re conditioned. Maybe this great shock will change you into something else. Maybe not! I don’t know what people are looking for in shinjin. It makes you lonely, it makes you cry at that point. But it has to be gone through at a certain time in a certain situation. It has to be felt. And then you have passion for life.
Question: Did Shakyamuni become wiser over time?
Rev. Lait: I don’t know! I’ve developed different ideas each time I speak to a group. I’ve changed my approach. I’m wondering if that’s the case for Buddha. Each audience was different. In the transmission of Zen, he sat down at Vulture Peak and he just picked a flower. Only one person understood and that was the end of the sermon. That was supposedly the transmission of Zen. Non-verbal communication. You have Ananda who wasn’t very clever, who suddenly understood and asked why the Buddha looked so wonderful that day! Up to that moment, Ananda hadn’t realized - he wasn’t ready before. Buddha’s wisdom was the same but how he expressed himself depended on his listeners and slowly he became more eloquent while he taught. My first sermon in Japan was in English with my wife interpreting. I look back now, that was terribly academic. If I hadn’t gotten the opportunity to speak to you, I’d still be thinking the same way and so, I’m very grateful for having the opportunity to speak to you today!
I can’t communicate wisdom to others. You’re looking at me as an external being, theoretically maybe looking from a different direction from yourself. Just turn yourself around and look at yourself. That’s wisdom! Communicating in words, I’ve done academically, but it doesn’t mean anything. I’ve just explained a technical detail. What you must do is understand what shinjin is yourself. Nobody on earth can teach you that! You can give somebody academic knowledge. Wisdom is different. Knowledge is easy to give. Basically, I can’t give anything to you, I don’t know anything more about Jodo Shinshu than you do. There’s nothing I can tell you about it that you can’t read in books. You’re human. You’re sincere about that path. You trust that teaching you desire. Then you can find it. Just have a longing for it – that’s all!
Shinran had no disciples. I can believe that. I can understand that. Because if you are my disciple, you’ll do anything like it says here about killing people. In the Tannisho, page 33 it says about going out and killing 1,000 people. Discipleship: I feel is dangerous, because it doesn’t develop independent thinking, or it’s not a thinking religion. Depending on the culture, we have to think before we can feel because we’re afraid to feel first and think second. I don’t go around Japan promoting Jodo Shinshu. I live in my little "cocoon". I don’t think you can promote it. You cannot go out and stand on the corner like Christians do and say: "Look here, I’ve got something for you. I’ve got the Tannisho." My Protestant background doesn’t allow me to do that! If you meet a Quaker, he or she will not say their Quaker until you inquire. If you ask them it’s different. Does promotion mean missionary work? In Dobo, people come together, sharing the same path, because of a relationship, they want that situation.
The fear of religion causes people to feel inhibited. Shinran spoke in an academic tone of voice. Rennyo promoted. I don’t like the word "promotion", rather say "explaining the message". Promoting to me means going out on a corner and becoming something like a public relations officer, which is necessary in one way because people don’t know about Jodo Shinshu. Just making people aware of Jodo Shinshu isn’t promotion. Rennyo explained Shinran’s message in letters to people who didn’t understand. He built up a big organization. I don’t consider that to be truly Shinran’s message. He did it for a particular culture, which was Japanese. "California Jodo Shinshu" has to spring from Shinran, not Rennyo. Rennyo changed the message for the psyche of the Japanese people. I think we can’t develop it from Rennyo. We can observe how Rennyo did it in the 15th century and admire him for what he did. Shinran didn’t promote, Rennyo did. What’re you feeling? Basically we’re all westernized here. The message has to be developed for and from this culture.
I haven’t mentioned Nembutsu, because it has nothing to do with me. It’s not my culture to say the Nembutsu. I can’t! It’s hypocritical if I do. It’s arrogance on my part. Nembutsu is actually joining my unhappiness with the joy of Amida. Ask mothers at the moment of birth, was it joy? Was it joy giving birth and was it painful physically? Those two points. This is the feeling that must be expressed and felt. The sign of relief, the pain of loneliness at the same time of understanding Amida or whatever is holding you. Those two aspects combine together to say Nembutsu. To me, it could be a sign or thank you. Primarily it doesn’t say much to me. It is the combination of relief and pain. The pain of yourself and the relief of being understood by another person. The loneliness and the relief combined. To utter a sigh of relief. If you come from a Japanese culture that has a feeling for Nembutsu, that’s what you’ll say quite spontaneously.
The process towards shinjin may take a long time. But the moment of shinjin is timeless. People don’t often realize that this is a one-time process, yet we do fall back into our egotistical thinking. Every time we have the feeling of being egotistical and yet see, at the same time, how hopeless we are in a spiritual sense, then we are able to go deeper and deeper into ourselves and explore this feeling of shinjin . I’m still egotistical, but my wife will tell you I’ve softened up a bit. I’m still angry but I’ve softened because I can see my desires coming and I can let them go a bit more easily and it’s okay. Maybe before, someone wanted a car really desperately. A nice new car. Now it doesn’t matter. It’s not weakness, it’s just accepting yourself as you are. It’s accepting your situation as you are "right now", which is perfectly O.K. You don’t have to compete so much. If you’re thinking about promotion or explaining and that’s how you feel, it’ll be done by you. Promotion is not a negative thing unless you bang on people’s doors, just making people aware – that’s all! I gave up on Buddhism. I just happened to find Jodo Shinshu. It was very depressing just before that. I had nothing, but I realized someone was there.
Being totally honest in this world is very difficult as if you act as a human - as who you are - ostracism occurs because you are looked upon as weak. Rennyo said: "Even if one person understands the message of Shinran, I’m happy that Honganji was built". I come from England. I am not Japanese. I happened to fall into this. It’s not of my making. It’s how the process was. I never thought about becoming a priest. My marriage was the same thing. It naturally flowed. If you have one person to talk to, that one person can become two people. That’s how it has to be. You can’t get a whole lot, it’s a slow process. I know in America, the quicker the better. I know about the difficulties of financial problems, fundraising, etc.
I’m not in a temple situation. I’m just a member of a congregation in Tokyo. If you can be honest with other people, they may criticize you, but deep down, they envy you because you can be honest. If you can be honest, they’ll say why is he honest? What makes you so child-like? On one side you can be a determined salesman, but to be honest with your relationships and saying "I don’t know," is the greatest thing. People will ask "why don’t you know?" Then they find out you’re a Buddhist. Then they will wake up and start expanding and expanding. So live by example! I think Jodo Shinshu is worried about the diminishing numbers of people. In my congregation, there are hardly any younger people coming in. Because in Japan, all they see are grandmothers going to the temple, saying something that they don’t understand.
We can’t get rid of the ego. The Buddha never got rid of his ego until he died. You can distance yourself. I don’t get so uptight. In a way, I haven’t been greedy because of my handicap. I can’t do things. But with anger and frustration, I don’t get so uptight. I can soften my ego. But our egos will never be erased unless we die. Don’t worry about getting rid of your ego. You can’t!
Some academics say "we’re all going to die." If they really feel that, I’ll follow them. This type of thing is all in their heads. In Hollywood movies, there’s all this pseudo-spiritual stuff; breaking out into this world, but I’d say "breaking in." Breaking into ourselves. We never want to see ourselves. We want to see the flowers of other people. We want to find teachers. Either we can’t see or we don’t want to see. There’s a big hole in us. An emptiness, because the ego is nothing and we know it. Maybe not consciously but unconsciously. The mind, not the heart; the mind always tries to cover up impermanence by saying "he’s dying, he’s dead." It’s never "us". Our mind is cunning. It covers up a lot of our emptiness by projecting out a lot of our fears. Like "you made me angry." That type of thing. "It’s my anger, but I ask why did you make me angry?" Especially in the West. It’s just covering up, so it’s "not my fault" - I don’t have to see myself as I really am! We can avoid self-confrontation once again.
We have to face responsibility for ourselves; seeing strong points and weak points. I know when people are looking at me, especially in Japan. High school children look at my handicap because that’s where my "scar" is. I know that. Fine. I hide it. I know it. I know that I’m doing it. But if we don’t know we’re covering up our ego, maybe we can never change. By being honest with ourselves, other people will respect us more. Respect that this person is telling the truth. But not naïve. But being honest in a relationship. If you can’t be honest with the person nearest to you, how can you honestly donate to someone in Africa. If you can’t be honest with your wife, then it’s pointless thinking about promotion. I can be honest with my wife and I don’t have any fear she’ll say: "Okay, I’m leaving, good-bye." You have to know where honesty is and where we need to hide it in order to protect ourselves in daily life. We can’t be open and honest with everyone. There’s a relationship with workers. You can be morally honest with yourself. If you’re selling a product, you can’t say: "I don’t like it". Here in this room, you can be honest because people are "walking the same way". If you don’t feel that way, you shouldn’t be in this place. That’s just sharing your ego. Then people say, that’s my ego too, but I didn’t want to say it out of fear of rejection. If you’re rejected because you’re honest in a temple, then it’s not a true temple.
I was talking to my wife about coming here. A lot of people are sincerely searching here. A lot of people in Japan support a temple because their families have been doing it for hundreds of years. That’s Japan, but here, people are sincerely searching. Not everyone, that’s fine. If I were in that situation, I wouldn’t waste anymore time, because time is money. You haven’t got time on Saturday. Therefore, I’m thankful to you for giving up a day to sit in a room, trying to express yourselves so openly. Thank you! But the ego will still be there and that’s fine as it has to be in order for all of us to be truly who we are "right now!"
Peter Lait
Dobo Retreat
April 20, 2002
Los Angeles Betsuin